I am a mama of one beautiful boy. My pregnancy with him was very easy and joyful. Because we didn’t have an issue conceiving, we decided to wait until the age gap we wanted before trying for our second. Well the second time took longer. After months, we got our good news. When I went in for my 8 week appointment (without my husband because of Covid), there was no heartbeat. There’s not really words to describe that moment. All I remember is my doctor saying “this is called a missed miscarriage”. I had never heard of the term.

She said my baby measured at 6 weeks which meant it stopped growing two weeks prior to my appointment. She informed me that my body still thinks I’m pregnant and that it may take time for the miscarriage to “complete”. So much information thrown at me while also trying to process what was happening. I wanted it to happen naturally and it took 2 more weeks of waiting and grieving for it to happen.

All I remember is my doctor saying “this is called a missed miscarriage”. I had never heard of the term.

The waiting was hard. Not knowing who to tell and how to say it was hard. Finding out that insurance doesn’t cover the cost of miscarriage appointments was hard. It’s all hard.

We are now 2 months post miscarriage and ready to try again but now there will always be a little fear, a little anxiety wondering, will we hear a heartbeat?